Revealing

John 14,21-26 (4/21/2008)

Whoever has my commandments and observes them is the one who loves me. And whoever loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and reveal myself to him." Judas, not the Iscariot, said to him, "Master, (then) what happened that you will reveal yourself to us and not to the world?" Jesus answered and said to him, "Whoever loves me will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our dwelling with him. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words; yet the word you hear is not mine but that of the Father who sent me. I have told you this while I am with you. The Advocate, the holy Spirit that the Father will send in my name--he will teach you everything and remind you of all that (I) told you.

Many believe in God. But this does not mean all of them have faith in HIM. Some just believe in God’s existence – no more, no less. Meanwhile, there are those who believe and have faith in HIM, yet they do not practice what God tells them to do. So what difference does it make from agnostics and those who just believe in God period? God is revealing Himself through Jesus, yet we are too preoccupied to notice it or we ignore HIM. Nevertheless, God is giving us a chance to correct our wrong ways by sending His Holy spirit to remind us His teachings. He sends the Holy Spirit in order for us to remember that He is just beside us ready to accept and forgive us. God always finds ways to reach out to us and in return, we should try our best not to keep ourselves far away from Him.

I had a conversation with a friend last night. After it ended, I kinda felt bad for the things we talked about. I don’t know why, maybe because I couldn’t let go of the past. For me, the past is a serious matter - especially those unresolved ones. What I mean is, the past is my basis for my decisions in the future.

I have so many words left unspoken hidden inside me. Yet I don’t have the courage to tell everything. I know I have many friends. But I’m not the type who really reveals herself to friends, even to those who are very close to me. After all, everybody wears masks - different masks for different situations. Sometimes, I know I wear a mask even if I’m alone. But at some point, there’s something in me that wants to take off all the masks I’m wearing. Eventually, I found a friend who I thought I could reveal my true self; I could show who I really am - uncovered. That’s what I thought.

You were so busy making new friends that you didn’t even bother to look back and notice that you’re leaving someone behind. Someone who really needed you as a friend more than anything else. I admit, at first I was jealous. But then, I realized that it wasn’t just jealousy. Hay.. it really hurts reminiscing unresolved pasts. Maybe it was also my fault. I secluded myself from my other friends and depended only on one.

God is so perfect that even if people are ignoring HIM, he still reaches out to them and ready to accept them without looking back at the past. I wish I could have God’s courage (I don't know if this the right term) to let go of the past..

On the Way

John 14,1-6. 
Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me.
In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?
And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be.
Where (I) am going you know the way."
Thomas said to him, "Master, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?"
Jesus said to him, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Sometimes in our lives, we reach a point where we evaluate ourselves how far we’ve gone with our goals. And it’s inevitable that we think we’re still far away from achieving it. (Good for some who think they’re on their way to the goal). But how about those who are not even half way of their journey?! I know the road in achieving our goals is rough and it helps to be prepared for it.

First, we think the things we should do to reach our goals. I attended a high school commencement exercises last night and I like the commencement speaker. She wasn’t boring and knows who she is talking to - teenagers. She gave a five-item list on preparing the students for the life ahead of them.  I like the third one (I forgot the other four coz I kept thinking about the third. Hehehe). The number three item: Be OPEN TO CHANGE. I used to think that I’m always open to the possibilities that may happen in the future. But not until last night. Maybe half-open only. Or maybe, I’m not that open at all because I realized that I hold on to my past so much – when it comes to friendships, family relationships and the likes. I find it hard to build new relationships because I tend to compare the new with the old ones. In the end, I envy my friends, family members who have built “strong” relationships with others (I may not be that expressive of how envious I am and I think I’m becoming selfish with this kind of attitude).This does not hold true only for the social aspect of my life. Do you think I have psychological problems?

Most of the time, our minds are so specific in enumerating the things we should do to reach our goals that we tend to forget who should be our number one guide. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. It is important that we should put God in every thing we do. It’s true, that along the way, we encounter hardships and sometimes failures. But we should not give up because these are just temporary stops. God only tests our faith in Him and what we'll learn from each stop. And once we finished and passed the test, surely, God has prepared a place that’s worth our effort and we totally deserved.

..............................

It’s really hard to put all your thoughts into writing such that not all the things you want to say and how you feel can be put to words. Maybe this is just applicable only to me because there are others who can express themselves very well. Oh well, at least I tried!

Written on April 19, 2008

Believing

John 10:22-30

"The feast of the Dedication was then taking place in Jerusalem. It was winter.
And Jesus walked about in the temple area on the Portico of Solomon.
So the Jews gathered around him and said to him, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly."
Jesus answered them, "I told you and you do not believe. The works I do in my Father's name testify to me.
But you do not believe, because you are not among my sheep.
My sheep hear my voice; I know them, and they follow me.
I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish. No one can take them out of my hand.
My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one can take them out of the Father's hand.
The Father and I are one."

Everyday, we face problems. Some are just easy to solve; Some make us feel escaping reality. Sometimes, we think the problems are too big to handle that we tend to ask ourselves if God really exists, or if God cares for us. We try to challenge God, ask for proofs of His existence, etc. Worst, we blame God.

I was watching an old episode of CSI two or three nights ago. It was about a teenage boy who was framed by his brother for killing two men. Unfortunately, the CSIs were not able to prove the boy’s innocence and had him convicted for murder. The convicted boy eventually committed suicide. Maybe he couldn’t accept what his brother did to him.

The lead CSI went to the priest (the boy’s spiritual adviser) and said how sorry he was for what happened to the boy. Then the priest invited the CSI to celebrate mass with him. But Grissom refused. His refusal made the priest ask him if he doesn’t believe in God. Grissom's  answer really hit me. He said something like he’s a believer, but he doesn’t need rules to dictate how he should believe. It’s not that those words are encouraging people not to have a religion, but it’s good to know that there are people who know and believe in God. 

I was able to find an online  streaming (2013) for the said episode and somehow, I was able to record the conversation of the priest and Grissom:

"We both have jobs that begin after the crime, after the sin. Some may call it a career in futility. Some call it a vocation...Someday we wont need jails...You don't believe? .. In religion. I believe in God, in science, in Sunday supper. I don't believe in rules that tell how I should live. Even if they are handed down by God? How many crusades were fought in the name of God? How many people died because of someone's religion - fanaticism, not Religion. Semantics, they're still dead".

I admit, I have times that I couldn’t avoid to doubt God. But somehow there’s always a voice or something like that that keeps telling me the good things God has given and done for me. And I think that “something” is right. So, at the end of the day, I hold on to a verse from Jeremiah that says “God has plans for you, plans to prosper and not to harm you”.

written on April 15, 2008

My First

John 10,11-18 

"I am the good shepherd. A good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. A hired man, who is not a shepherd and whose sheep are not his own, sees a wolf coming and leaves the sheep and runs away, and the wolf catches and scatters them. This is because he works for pay and has no concern for the sheep. I am the good shepherd, and I know mine and mine know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I will lay down my life for the sheep. I have other sheep that do not belong to this fold. These also I must lead, and they will hear my voice, and there will be one flock, one shepherd. This is why the Father loves me, because I lay down my life in order to take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down on my own. I have power to lay it down, and power to take it up again. This command I have received from my Father."

It came to me this idea of commenting about the daily gospel after I watched Barbie’s Diaries last night. It was my 3^rd or 4^thtime to watch this movie. But it was only last night that somehow I paid attention to the message the animated film conveys. Yes, it was about friendship, being accepted and knowing oneself.

This past week was full of intense emotions. I just don’t know how “intense” sounds for others. But this word brings a heavy unexplainable feeling for me. I guess, it takes a doze of problems for people to realize the importance of some things and what’s missing in their lives. Or, problems may be God’s way of reaching out to people. If that’s the case, am I too far away from God? :(

We can either be the shepherd or the sheep. It’s a matter of knowing what role we are acting. Being the shepherd takes a lot of responsibility because others depend on you..trust you.. And when difficult situations arise, you have to respond quickly and maybe, give up something (just like Jesus, he gave up his life and would give it up over and over again for us). Coz if you don’t, you’ll fail those who depend on you..

I know the feeling of having someone who’s very close to you but failed you in one way or another. But, it didn’t occur to me that I’m actually failing someone. The result….. The treasured friendship was lost. I guess what happened last week was a wake up call for me and for others. Am I a “hired man” or a shepherd who neglected her responsibility?

I hope this makes sense… I hope it really does.

written (4/14/2008) feeling so bad about a friend

edited august 12, 2012 feeling homesick